My Everyday Reflections

Back in the year of 2002, I was in grade 5 by June. I was 11 years old; I was young, happy and naïve. Around July when my father fetched my brothers and I from school. Going home, we failed to pass by McDonald's, which we usually do when our father fetches us home. I wanted ice cream. I really wanted ice cream that time. When we arrived home, we ate lunch and my father left for work. I can still vividly remember me lying down the couch and of course, me telling dad,

"Daddy, pag-uwi mo, pabili ice cream ha."

And he replied, "'Yung sa McDo o gusto mo iba? Pareho na lang, para sa'yo." With that, I kissed my father goodbye as he went to work. I stayed watching TV.

During the day I did my homework and when I was done, I went to my mother's room and watched TV. I can remember that there's this one part over dinner that I was told not to answer the telephone. I didn't know why. Anyway, after dinner I went upstairs to continue watching cartoons. I remember it was "Cow and Chicken" when my second brother told me to pray, and I remember he stressed it so much. He didn't tell me why. But I just followed. It was weird for me to pray without any intentions...as in praying without keeping in mind anyone or anything.

Around later that evening, my uncles arrived in the house asking us how we were. I felt weird that they went to our house just to ask that. Still felt clueless. At the same time, I was still wondering where my dad was and my mom. Not totally since there are times that they stay late for work.

The following day, few of my friends were telling me that they were praying for me. I didn't take it as something weird or extraordinary, though. But a little bit later when I was at the house of my cousins since we resided there for the time being as we were transferring houses, I was told that my father is in the hospital and was gravely ill.

I was struck by it. I cried when I found out the news. I...I didn't even want to speak to anyone at that moment. I just wanted to be alone, yet I feel like I wanted to be with someone, with anyone. I wanted to be with my father. Struck with grief. Angered by pain. At that moment, I needed anyone, but no one was there...

I can't remember who told me how it went. I think it's either my mom or my aunt. It just happened one the afternoon when my father fetched my brothers and I home...

In front of a small restaurant, a waiter who was serving food and drinks to a table happened to notice our car at halt. My father was driving, no one else was in the car. My father was seemingly "asleep" when the waiter realized he couldn't wake my father up. That's when he called for ambulances. In the hospital, my father didn't regain conscience. Still seemingly sleeping...

The time my father was in the hospital, I still went to school carrying much burden in my heart. Not knowing how to deal with such pain as I acted like a normal schoolboy without having anything to worry about. My mother and I visited my father, one day. Mother was wearing shades outside the room where my father laid. When we saw our father, he was holding a rosary. I was praying deep down inside to remove any thoughts of sadness. I wanted to cry, my father always taught me that if I wanted to, I can always do so. Men also cry. We prayed before we left the room.

When we left the room, my lolo, my father's dad, asked me how I was. For some reason, no voice came out of my mouth. Perhaps due to much sadness, I couldn't speak. I just cried. Hugged my mom tight as I cried. Cried really hard.

My aunt who is a doctor told me my father was in a coma. I didn't know what "coma" was then for me. She explained to me that time as "think of it as if you're sleeping and you couldn't wake up". I gave her a confused look and she told me, sighing, "...it's when you're in a state of deep unconsciousness for a long time". I knew it wasn't good at all. But I just had to accept it.

During that time when my father was in a coma and when I found out he had brain aneurism, I just prayed and prayed. There were times I would cry even while praying. I would pray to God, Jesus Christ, Mother Mary, all the saints I knew, martyrs I have heard of; I prayed formula prayers, spontaneous prayers, prayers taught to me by people. It was a tough time for my family; for my mother specially. I knew, that more than anything else in the world, what I just needed then, were prayers of people and just people to pray for all of us.

I remember my aunt telling us that brain aneurism is quite much hard to deal with than cancer. Personal opinion of hers. I could recall she told us that aneurisms usually don't have any signs, they just happen. And it was evident with what happened to my father. I never researched on it. I just don't want to remember the tough times...

Knowing that my father passed away is hard. The thought, the memories, everything would just hit me at random sometimes. The pain is there. The pain lingers on. And I guess it's the hole in my heart that I couldn't seem to fill in. Starting that day, I knew how hard it is to have someone so dear to you be taken.

Coping was hard. It took me around a year and a half to get fully past it. But then again, you can never truly get past it. The pain still lingers on.

Fast forward to Second Year. A teacher of mine had someone close to him undergoing some pain and was terribly ill too. I remember he would tell our class his experiences day to day about how his sister-in-law(correct me if I'm wrong) was terribly ill and how his family didn't have enough money.

One day my mom told me that she happened to see that teacher of mine in the hospital as she brought my lola, her mom, to the hospital for her checkup.

The following day, my teacher told the class how he met this woman who was able to help her. Apparently he was going everywhere looking for this doctor he was supposed to approach, but he couldn't find him. My teacher stumbled upon this woman who apparently knows him. They got into a short conversation and when my teacher asked the woman if she knew the doctor, by any chance. The woman said yes and right there, she pointed out the doctor.

The doctor still recognized the woman, apparently. The woman told my teacher that, that doctor was also the doctor of her husband who passed away 4 years ago. They talked for a little while and because of that, the expenses of my teacher decreased. After that subject, my teacher asked me if we could talk. He told me to give his regards to my mom, and to say thank you.

Apparently, the woman she saw with the husband who passed away 4 years ago, who knew the doctor... is my mom.

***

Until now, I am still struck at how God make things happen for a reason, even if we don't like it. In a way, I feel happy for my father as he was still able to help people even after his death. He is one of the greatest sources of inspiration of mine. He was the one who told me that I may forget everything academic that I will learn in school, just never forget those that are non-academic. He told me that he would rather see me as someone working and serving directly or indirectly for the people, than be a leader. And I guess, that is why I am who I am now. Because of my father.

***

To my friend, to his family, her family and her friends, God do things for a reason. I am praying for all of you. I may have experienced the one with the "not so fortunate" ending, but believe me when I say, prayers are powerful. Never forget to pray for each of you to be strong, to accept whatever God will give you.