My Everyday Reflections

Introspection

2009-05-17T21:49:00.001-07:00

I remember 2 Decembers ago I was asked who my "Santa Claus" was. While seeing the list of my friend with names of teachers, their friends and parents, I bravely answered, "myself".

After a lot of reflection on my imperfections and my whole self, I realized that one of the "greatest gifts" we could give to ourselves is loving ourself despite our flaws. Loving ourselves despite not always being the best. Because you got to admit, no one is perfect and not everyone excels in everything. There are those who're great in athletics but may come short when it comes to knowledge in technology. There are also those people who may be excel in the arts but may not be good in music.

With all that, I think it's just fitting that we get to learn to appreciate who we are and love ourselves for that. I believe that's why some people don't really succeed; they refuse to look at their negative sides than exploit on their good sides. People need to realize that instead of getting too depressed not being able to do this or that or not being great in a field or two, they are great in a lot of other things. It just takes each person to look inside them to embrace who they are and continue excelling in field where they excel.

A Priest's Homily

2009-05-17T01:18:00.000-07:00

This bright Sunday morning, like nearly any other, we went to hear Mass. During the Homily of the priest, I was struck with something the priest said. It went something like this:

"If you love someone, a friend, a student, a child, a parent, a co-worker, then that means you want that person to be a better person."

Not only that, I was also hit when the priest said,

"Jesus wasn't nailed on the cross by the sins of the world. Jesus was nailed on the cross because he so loved the world."

Right now, I'm feeling that those could be points for reflections when we look at our lives. Do we love the people we consider we love right now because we want them to be better? Or is it because we just want the benefits that come by loving them?

From The Words of One of My Loved Teachers

2009-05-16T17:06:00.000-07:00

"There are no accidents in God's plans"

- Ms. Mercy N. de Guia

Rendezvous

2009-05-16T04:45:00.000-07:00

One of the things I have observed is that we always meet people everywhere. And I have realized that these rendezvous the Almighty One planned/plans for us, always are of such weird importances. Basically, what I mean is that, all the people we have met and we will meet are of no accident and will always be of great importance.

One example would be how some acquaintances of mine would sometimes greet me on the corridor. You see, I almost always feel alone, even when there are people beside me. Being greeted by these people brighten my day. I have always believed that seemingly small acts of people are good medicines to whatever problem a person is bearing.

And I guess those are things to think about...

1) How often have I been a source of light to others through my small deeds?

2) Who are the people who have been sources of light to me?

C'est La Vie

2009-05-05T07:37:00.000-07:00

“C’est La Vie”

Coming down from the rooftop
M peers below
Where people stood
With lamps and lights
Flames and sparks.

Befuddled by the mass
He went to his haven
Locked himself in
Such impetus by the beasts
Failed to take him.

In the middle of his room
Did he lay with candles around
Such Wicked scene
With incenses flavoring the room
Acted like aromatherapy for his soul

Beams struck his cheeks
The phoenix rose with his whole being
Journeyed out and in his eyes
Caught the greatest disaster
Body of a friend, but the spirit gone.

The blessings of Selene
Dawned on dusk
His friend still breathless
Lost of air, he thought
And placed his cheek ‘gainst the corpse

With lips that undoubtedly match
Concealing a kiss more than treatment
The hazel eyes awoke
And the soul returned.

The returned confidant felt nothing
The mutuality once shared
Now gone like dandelions blown
By the tempests and storms
Rising, the stranger left.

An enchanting flower left behind
Buds of roses did he pick up
Thorns punctured his palms
Hands that once held his friend’s face
Now bleeding with melancholy and hope

Waited for weeks like lunar cycles
The flowers blossomed and beauty sprouted
But never did he return
Never came back
And he told himself
While peering out below:
“C’est la vie”

Embracing Problems

2009-04-29T06:41:00.000-07:00

I've always believed that life, no matter what you do, will always have problems. We all experience that. We face simple problems like deciding on how to fix our schedules with our family on using the family car to much complex ones like dealing with friends and even being an inch away from choosing whether to continue with life.

I'll be coming clean, the other day wasn't the only time I have attempted to do something foolish. And I suppose you know what I mean by that.

The other week I was feeling really down. I was depressed most of the time. And everything bottled up one night, all of the problems I avoided my whole life just flashed. No one was there I could talk to. No one who asked me who I was doing; so I ended up not telling anything out of the blue. Just kept everything deep down inside. I thought, maybe it was the right thing. I guess not.

You see, that's why we have friends. That's why there's the saying that goes "no man is an island". It's true... there are times that we just can't face our problems alone. And we also have tendencies to try to forget about our problems, escape from them. But we shouldn't. It makes life more difficult. We should learn to face our problems, head on. It's not easy, but that's why we have friends. Or at least, I think that's why we have friends. They're not there only during the times we're happy. They'll be there with you, for you...helping you to pick up yourself.

And we should all pray for that, pray for the grace to accept that we have problems and that we can't always face them on our own. Grace that we allow our friends to further enter into our lives to be able to help us.

Watching The Sun Rise

2009-04-23T19:33:00.000-07:00

The other day I just felt bad and so frustrated because I couldn't be there for some of my friends. I was just annoyed that when my friends needed me, I wasn't there for them, while when I needed to talk to someone, they were there. I felt like I wasn't a good friend. I felt like I was just a user...

You see our internet at home has tendencies to not work at all when we need them the most. For example, during 2nd Term last school year, we didn't have internet at all! It was really difficult to watch dokyu videos for Filipino. And researching for our English paper proved quite a chore too.

Anyway, our internet last night was... uncooperative. Couldn't think of a much more apt term. I was talking to 3 friends of mine. 2 friends of mine have already started to talk about their problems, the other one was just about to share with me his problem. Suddenly, my Yahoo!Messenger disconnects and I couldn't connect anymore.

I felt like a failure. I just hated myself for the 40 minutes that should've been spent on conversing with the 3 of them about their problems. When I was able to go online again, they weren't online anymore. I was really mad at myself.

Then a friend of mine goes online. We talk then he shares about his problem. He's not part of the initial 3 ones. And I just thought to myself, maybe this is God's way of making me feel less mad at myself. To give me a friend right now who has problems.

We were talking about it and I realized, there's nothing I could do to make him feel better. I was just there. Listening to him. Couldn't seem to cheer that friend of mine whatever I say. When he was about to go and sleep, I apologized since I couldn't make him feel any better. But he told me it was just fine, that me providing company is enough.

And I guess that's how things are. We won't always be able to help our friends solve their problems, but at the least, we can provide company. Listen to them. Be there for them.

Things Happen For A Reason, even if we don't like it

2009-04-17T23:38:00.000-07:00

This goes out to those who're facing such challenge in their lives right now. This is for you and for your family, her friends and all her loved ones.

Back in the year of 2002, I was in grade 5 by June. I was 11 years old; I was young, happy and naïve. Around July when my father fetched my brothers and I from school. Going home, we failed to pass by McDonald's, which we usually do when our father fetches us home. I wanted ice cream. I really wanted ice cream that time. When we arrived home, we ate lunch and my father left for work. I can still vividly remember me lying down the couch and of course, me telling dad,

"Daddy, pag-uwi mo, pabili ice cream ha."

And he replied, "'Yung sa McDo o gusto mo iba? Pareho na lang, para sa'yo." With that, I kissed my father goodbye as he went to work. I stayed watching TV.

During the day I did my homework and when I was done, I went to my mother's room and watched TV. I can remember that there's this one part over dinner that I was told not to answer the telephone. I didn't know why. Anyway, after dinner I went upstairs to continue watching cartoons. I remember it was "Cow and Chicken" when my second brother told me to pray, and I remember he stressed it so much. He didn't tell me why. But I just followed. It was weird for me to pray without any intentions...as in praying without keeping in mind anyone or anything.

Around later that evening, my uncles arrived in the house asking us how we were. I felt weird that they went to our house just to ask that. Still felt clueless. At the same time, I was still wondering where my dad was and my mom. Not totally since there are times that they stay late for work.

The following day, few of my friends were telling me that they were praying for me. I didn't take it as something weird or extraordinary, though. But a little bit later when I was at the house of my cousins since we resided there for the time being as we were transferring houses, I was told that my father is in the hospital and was gravely ill.

I was struck by it. I cried when I found out the news. I...I didn't even want to speak to anyone at that moment. I just wanted to be alone, yet I feel like I wanted to be with someone, with anyone. I wanted to be with my father. Struck with grief. Angered by pain. At that moment, I needed anyone, but no one was there...

I can't remember who told me how it went. I think it's either my mom or my aunt. It just happened one the afternoon when my father fetched my brothers and I home...

In front of a small restaurant, a waiter who was serving food and drinks to a table happened to notice our car at halt. My father was driving, no one else was in the car. My father was seemingly "asleep" when the waiter realized he couldn't wake my father up. That's when he called for ambulances. In the hospital, my father didn't regain conscience. Still seemingly sleeping...

The time my father was in the hospital, I still went to school carrying much burden in my heart. Not knowing how to deal with such pain as I acted like a normal schoolboy without having anything to worry about. My mother and I visited my father, one day. Mother was wearing shades outside the room where my father laid. When we saw our father, he was holding a rosary. I was praying deep down inside to remove any thoughts of sadness. I wanted to cry, my father always taught me that if I wanted to, I can always do so. Men also cry. We prayed before we left the room.

When we left the room, my lolo, my father's dad, asked me how I was. For some reason, no voice came out of my mouth. Perhaps due to much sadness, I couldn't speak. I just cried. Hugged my mom tight as I cried. Cried really hard.

My aunt who is a doctor told me my father was in a coma. I didn't know what "coma" was then for me. She explained to me that time as "think of it as if you're sleeping and you couldn't wake up". I gave her a confused look and she told me, sighing, "...it's when you're in a state of deep unconsciousness for a long time". I knew it wasn't good at all. But I just had to accept it.

During that time when my father was in a coma and when I found out he had brain aneurism, I just prayed and prayed. There were times I would cry even while praying. I would pray to God, Jesus Christ, Mother Mary, all the saints I knew, martyrs I have heard of; I prayed formula prayers, spontaneous prayers, prayers taught to me by people. It was a tough time for my family; for my mother specially. I knew, that more than anything else in the world, what I just needed then, were prayers of people and just people to pray for all of us.

I remember my aunt telling us that brain aneurism is quite much hard to deal with than cancer. Personal opinion of hers. I could recall she told us that aneurisms usually don't have any signs, they just happen. And it was evident with what happened to my father. I never researched on it. I just don't want to remember the tough times...

Knowing that my father passed away is hard. The thought, the memories, everything would just hit me at random sometimes. The pain is there. The pain lingers on. And I guess it's the hole in my heart that I couldn't seem to fill in. Starting that day, I knew how hard it is to have someone so dear to you be taken.

Coping was hard. It took me around a year and a half to get fully past it. But then again, you can never truly get past it. The pain still lingers on.

Fast forward to Second Year. A teacher of mine had someone close to him undergoing some pain and was terribly ill too. I remember he would tell our class his experiences day to day about how his sister-in-law(correct me if I'm wrong) was terribly ill and how his family didn't have enough money.

One day my mom told me that she happened to see that teacher of mine in the hospital as she brought my lola, her mom, to the hospital for her checkup.

The following day, my teacher told the class how he met this woman who was able to help her. Apparently he was going everywhere looking for this doctor he was supposed to approach, but he couldn't find him. My teacher stumbled upon this woman who apparently knows him. They got into a short conversation and when my teacher asked the woman if she knew the doctor, by any chance. The woman said yes and right there, she pointed out the doctor.

The doctor still recognized the woman, apparently. The woman told my teacher that, that doctor was also the doctor of her husband who passed away 4 years ago. They talked for a little while and because of that, the expenses of my teacher decreased. After that subject, my teacher asked me if we could talk. He told me to give his regards to my mom, and to say thank you.

Apparently, the woman she saw with the husband who passed away 4 years ago, who knew the doctor... is my mom.

***

Until now, I am still struck at how God make things happen for a reason, even if we don't like it. In a way, I feel happy for my father as he was still able to help people even after his death. He is one of the greatest sources of inspiration of mine. He was the one who told me that I may forget everything academic that I will learn in school, just never forget those that are non-academic. He told me that he would rather see me as someone working and serving directly or indirectly for the people, than be a leader. And I guess, that is why I am who I am now. Because of my father.

***

To my friend, to his family, her family and her friends, God do things for a reason. I am praying for all of you. I may have experienced the one with the "not so fortunate" ending, but believe me when I say, prayers are powerful. Never forget to pray for each of you to be strong, to accept whatever God will give you.

You Are Not Alone

2009-04-15T05:38:00.000-07:00

"Huwag kang mangamba, 'di ka nag-iisa,
Sasamahan kita, saan man magpunta.
Ika'y mahalaga, sa'King mga mata
Minamahal kita, minamahal kita"

Summer has been really something for me, lately. Though I have been going out more often, being able to watch movies... I could say it has been lonely. It's not the same as last summer when I had someone to talk to. Someone sure to brighten my day. Someone really close to me... still getting over. Still moving on. [Still] in the process of accepting the fact things won't be the same as it was before...

Despite of that, and the feeling of loneliness lingering on, I still feel blessed that I find a sense of comfort with my friends/other friends. So I really feel that God is telling me that I shouldn't feel alone. I shouldn't get too depressed because I miss someone so much and it's really aching. Maybe God is letting so many people come to me perchance or by fate, because He wants me to feel loved and feel that there are other people who are willing to be with me, by my side, accompanying me.

And I guess it got me reflecting, all of us have times when we feel alone. All of us have times that we're not with our friends, good friends, best friends, people we love, etcetera. But that doesn't change the fact that they still want to be around us. It doesn't change the fact that we have other people we can be with. Sure, we may not have those people who we want around us to be near us all time, but, there are others who want to be with us. All we just got to do is to open our eyes and see other people around us.

Holy Weeks Chronicles III: Go With Joy, Go With Peace

2009-04-10T06:52:00.000-07:00

"Because the world is sick with sorrow, go with joy

Because the world is weary of wars, go with peace"

While contemplating on these two, I was really struck by a reflection of myself. Reviewing my life was hard, specially keeping those two lines in mind. Why? Simple, because my whole life I have been struggling with my own "wars" and my own depressions. While I was reflecting, though, I realized that everyone experiences his/her own depressions. Everyone has his/her own high points and low points. But everyone deals with their low points differently. For some maybe they just share it their problems with their friends, while some choose to deal those alone. Some blame their misfortunes to God, some seek God's love. For some reason though, what made me smile again after reflecting was looking at the better sides of my life; what have made my life much more peaceful.

Sometimes we just tend to look at the many negative points we have in life. We look at how our faces have pimples, we look at how we can't have the luxuries other people have, least, we choose not to, to save money. We look at how we're not as smart as others, how we don't have as much friends as others who are always there for them no matter what. Though we all have imperfections, why should we dwell on those? Are we too caught up by our negatives that we forget to see even the tiniest magnificent light in all those? I hope not.

I know people with a lot of insecurities, I count myself. Haha. There is this someone, though, that is really stuck in my head. This friend of mine thinks his whole life has been just so wrong for him. He has a lot of problems be it in his family, in school even outside. He was too consumed thinking about his problems that he allowed those to get the best of him. And I wish I could've been there for him, he never really wanted help. He thinks he can do everything by himself; it came to a point that a lot of people left him.

I have another friend of mine who I believe had to deal with worse problems. There were times he just asks for money or left overs. His parents were on the brink of having a divorce. A lot of people hated him. He had much more problems difficult to handle, and even some, out of his hands. What I admired is that, he never allowed those to get the best out of him. Despite his upsetting grades, he still strived. Despite his problems at home, he still manages to put on a smile in school, he still made some people laugh even if some of them hated him. He went with joy, he went with peace.

It really touches me, how the latter saw the light in everything. I'm even speculating maybe that's the reason why the parents didn't push through with the idea of their divorce. I'm even so struck at how he never fights back when he is taunted, or even when he is hit or pushed around. He never retaliated. He offered peace. He allowed to be pushed around, and for some reason, I really thought to myself, "Why are you allowing them to do that to you?" Looking back now, I could say, maybe it was God's way of hitting me to be somewhat like that. Instead of fighting back, I should learn to be of peace to myself and to others.

I guess that's something we should all reflect on. We're all imperfect but that shouldn't bring us down. We get into problems and sometimes people test us, but that that shouldn't prevent us from seeking peace. God made us in His image and likeness, there is nothing that should keep us from being happy and being at peace.

We may not have all the money in the world, but we have friends. They're priceless but they mean much more than luxurious cars and mansions. We may fail in some of the tests and obstacles thrown at life, but we do learn from our mistakes. It maybe the hard way, but we rise to the challenge again. We may not always have our friends by us, but that's why we have our families. There to make us feel their love. And the opposite happens too!

And I guess we should reflect on several stuff:

1) What are the things that I'm grateful for and make me happy?

2) What should I do to keep me at peace?

Holy Weeks Chronicles II: Go With Courage, Go With Hope

2009-04-07T02:42:00.000-07:00

"Because the world is filled with fear, go with courage."

"Because the world is in despair, go with hope."

(For this entry, I have decided to give my reflection takes on those two lines.)

It's natural for us humans to be filled with fear at times. It's just natural for us to feel scared about a lot of things. From fear of spiders, cockroaches, darkness, being alone to fear of disasters that can take place, fear of afterlife, fear of failing and a lot more. After reflecting on my own fears and how I handle them, I realized that it's not easy dealing with those. For some reason, though it may sound cheesy, when I look inside myself and when I seek for God's light in me, I suddenly have this feeling that I'll get through those.

Courage. In my opinion, most of us, Filipinos, draw our strength from God. Before taking quizzes, before undergoing anything difficult or new, we always pray. We always ask for God's guidance that we may overcome our fears, our problems. And I could say that it's not a sign of weakness, instead, a sign of faith.

I guess that's something unique to us Filipinos, the deep trust we place in God to strengthen us. That's why I am believing that maybe it's not purely "go with courage", since God is the source of our courage. Perhaps it could be "go with God", again.

And I guess it is related on how we put our trust in God a lot with a lot of other things too.
And perhaps, that's the reason why we never lose hope. We always look to God that we not lose hope. We'd trust in ourselves too and then seems like we're filled with hope. And that's something I find interesting.

We "go with God" specially in times of despair. We seek refuge in Him. We seek for comfort in Him. We run to our Father. But God has a funny way of doing things. He acts upon different people around us and experiences.

I remember there was this time that I was so down. I thought that everything was just not going the way for me on that day. I saw my score in my Physics Long Test which was low, I failed a Math quiz, I had problems with my group mates for a project, I was feeling sick. When I got to our house, it didn't feel like a home. Everything was turning out bad that day. I was on the verge of breaking down and just didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to study for an English Long Test for the following day, I didn't want to do my homeworks. I just lost hope.

I even asked myself, "Why is it that everything I do, isn't enough? Even after giving all that I could?" I broke down. Thankfully, I was alone in the living room. No one was at sight. When I went online in Yahoo!Messenger, a friend of mine talked to me. I didn't tell him what was up. Least, I didn't tell him truthfully. Wacky's a really close friend of mine, then. Well, we are still good buddies, just not as close as before. Anyway, that made my day. It brought me hope. Maybe there were things that brought me down, but that instance brightened everything. I realized I shouldn't give up. I should just go on.

God acted through a friend and I'm thankful.

I guess this isn't the best reflection I have made since my history of making reflections (circa 2002?). But still, I hope I have given what we could all reflect on.

1) What are the things that have caused me to lose hope and be filled with fear?

2) How many times have I succeeded in overcoming those?

3) How has God played a big role in those times for me?

4) How can I be God's instrument to bring ease and hope to others?

Holy Weeks Chronicles I: Go With Bread

2009-04-06T05:56:00.001-07:00

"Because the world is poor and starving, go with Bread"

Living in the Philippines has been difficult for a whole lot of reasons. One of which would be seeing a lot of people living in the streets. Seeing the children and even adults with tattered clothes, going from car to car begging for money or food. My eyes not wanting to see the truth that there are homeless people who have nothing to eat. It pains me. A lot.

Yesterday, Palm Sunday, my family just stayed home to eat fish. And while eating, something struck me. I was reminded when Jesus fed the people with loaves of bread and fish. I'm not really fond of eating fish. Even when we go out to any restaurant, I just don't like fish. Upon knowing I'll be eating fish at home, too, I was telling my mom that I want to eat out to any restaurant. Preferably CYMA, in Shangri-La.

She told me that since it's Holy Week, we should give up some of our "wants" even for just this week.

I was struck with that. I felt like eating fish instead of lamb gyro was a sign to sacrifice some of the things I want for this week. For me, I was being compelled to be simpler; to live without most of the luxuries I have. But this is more than the food to eat. It's far more than that.

"Because the world is poor and starving"

We all live in a world that is hard to get by. More than those people in the streets are people starving of attention, to have people by them because they need them. People who lack of the basic needs of life. People who need and deserve love from people. Love that doesn't necessarily mean in a boyfriend/girlfriend basis. Love meaning the type that we receive and share with our friends and family.

Those people aren't only those in the streets. Some of them seek the help of doctors and institutions. Some of them choose to keep all those problems in themselves. Some of them put on a poker face and hide how they are truly feeling. Maybe because they're not accustomed to opening up to people. That's why we are to reach out to them. We are to get out of our own ways and help them, and who knows, they may also help us in return.

"go with Bread"

Admittedly, I capitalized the "bread" from the original to give a more symbolic take on it. Bread doesn't only mean the one we eat with peanut butter and jelly or the one we eat with the Mayonnaise that has the flavor of ham. Bread could also refer to Jesus. As mentioned in John 6: 35,

"Jesus said to them, 'I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me will never hunger, and whoever believes in me will never thirst,'"

What does this say, then? I guess taking the whole phrase symbolically, this means that we should go and practice the teachings of Christ, predominantly, sharing our time with others, specially those who need it.

Maybe for this moment you can reflect on how you would spend your time with those who need someone. Someone to be there for them. Someone to understand them. Someone to love them. Go out of your own way to reach out to them. It may not be easy. It may be hard, specially if the person doesn't feel quite open about it to you, yet. It takes time. All you need is a great heart and openness; to be open to anything that can happen. Be like Christ to others.

One thing that makes this harder is that we too have our own problems. We too experience being alone and feeling unloved. We too have our own weaknesses. But that's the thing that makes things more exciting. How willing are we to go out of our own way despite the burdens we are also carrying.

Because the world is poor and starving...go with Bread.

Some things to reflect on:

1) How will I be like Christ to others amidst the many problems I also have?

2) What should I do to overcome my own problems to help others?

3) How willing am I to be like Christ?

That's all for now, I'll be doing part II soon. For the meantime, let's all contemplate on those as we go on with our Holy Week. I'll keep you, dear reader, on my prayers. Just place a comment on the chatterbox. Till then, good bye.

Prelude to Holy Week Entries

2009-04-04T01:44:00.000-07:00

First of all, I apologize for my lack of activity here lately, I was just making my blog entry for one of my families in the Ateneo High School. Moving on...

As we all know, Holy Week starts tomorrow, with Palm Sunday. It's that time of year again that we all go back to our provinces and practice Filipino Catholic traditions. We observe fasting and abstinence to some extent. We partake in the Stations of The Cross. We could also see some of the men of different ages hitting their backs with whips, Penitensiya, if I'm correct. And a lot of other customs that Filipino Catholics practice.

But if there's one thing I find odd it'd be how some people, instead of quiet down with their families, they choose to go out to spend vacation somewhere. [They] take advantage of the freer areas while others are just home or in their provinces. I think some of them are forgetting the significance of the Holy Week.

Since I'm not a priest or a special minister nor a learned person of Christ's life, I'll instead be giving some reflections on something I got from the Ateneo College Graduation last January 28, 2009.

"Because the world is poor and starving, go with bread.

Because the world is filled with fear, go with courage.

Because the world is in despair, go with hope.

Because the world is living lies, go with truth.

Because the world is sick with sorrow, go with joy.

Because the world is weary of wars, go with peace.

Because the world is seldom fair, go with justice.

Because the world is under judgement, go with mercy.

Because the world will die without it, go with love."

I will be giving my personal reflections everyday for each line/s. Until now those strike me so much, so be prepared for long reads for the following days.

Go With Love

2009-03-30T02:27:00.000-07:00

Just last Saturday was my brother's college graduation. There was a part in their graduation when a video was shown. The last line/s struck me since I'll be entering the Loyola Schools by June. The line was:

"Because the world will die without it, Go with love"

It really hit me because ever since I was an incoming Junior, my mottos have been: "Do things out of love" and "Fall in Love. Stay in Love. And it will decide everything" which is from Fr. Pedro Arrupe, S.J.

Being a really busy student made me easily tired balancing a lot of things. But "going with love" made me realize that if I do things out of love, I won't easily be tired. Doing things out of love will certainly make things personal to me, hence how I get affected easily. Doing things out of love made me see the true worth of why I do those things.

And I guess it's something people should realize. Why not try doing things out of love? Let whatever you are doing be part of you, even for a while.

Fall in love.

Go with love.

Stay with love.

And it will decide everything.

Gano'n Lang Kahirap

2009-03-25T08:23:00.000-07:00

Hindi ko naman pinangarap ang lahat ng mga binigay mo. Ang tanging hiling ko lang ang makasama ka.

I got that idea from Anak, a Filipino film. More on it, soon.

Man In The Mirror

2009-03-25T05:42:00.000-07:00

This morning we, graduating seniors, had our 2nd [and last] practice session for our Baccalaureate Mass and Graduation rites this Sunday. I must admit that it was hot and it was really hard to be generous--to give 4 hours of our morning for the practice.

While we were just listening for instructions, my classmate asked me for the time, and I said that I didn't know [even if I had my wristwatch]. He told me to check, and I told him, in a quite harsh tone, to check it himself. He gave this face and looked to the other side. I heard him say "bastos" in a way that he wanted me to hear it without saying it in my face.

That shocked me, actually. It shocked me because he called me what he was too. Not singing when Sir Jampao Reyes asked us to. He kept on cursing how useless the practice was. Not taking the practice seriously. It really struck me how it was easy for him to call me "bastos".

Looking at myself, though, I have done this too; whether intentionally or not. I have called others names that were applicable to myself. "Tamad". "Irresponsable". "Stupid". A lot more.

I guess that's one thing to reflect on. Why is it easy for us to tease others and/or to see the negative traits in people? Why is it that instead of helping them improve on that negative quality, we make fun of them? Perhaps it is something we should think about.

After all, it is not enough that we are excellent in one field yet we fail at others. You maybe good in sports but you're failing in your academics. You maybe good in organizing events but you step on people for those events to push through. While it is difficult to be good in each field, we should try our best to at least be able to improve on those bad habits and traits of ours.

What are the negative traits we have that we should remove? What are the negative habits we should stop doing or at least minimize?

Surrendering Yourself; friendship

2009-03-24T07:27:00.000-07:00

Recently I have experienced wanting to end a friendship with someone I am close to just since 2007. I won't dwell into details, but would just want to share that there was some distance that took place starting December 2008. I would've ended the friendship last Friday at around 2:00 am, when I just realized that maybe friendships are really like this.

You see, I'm not the social type of person. I'm the type who would want to keep a few really close friends near me than a lot but I can't keep in touch with them. I was talking to this friend of mine. Sharing my feelings. Sharing how things were going for me. He shared his feelings too. And even though at the tip of my tongue I wanted to say that I would want to forget everything, I "vomited" that I would stay and wait.

Before sleeping that time, in my head I was just saying how stupid I was. What crossed my mind saying that. Perhaps it was because of fate. Maybe it was just not meant to be for our friendship and connection to end right then and there. But looking at how things are. Nothing is quite different than how I felt. Still scarred. Still feeling forced. Still continuously surrendering myself even if it's not so much genuine.

I thought I have gone over it. I thought I have moved on, but being honest, I haven't. So why am I still miserable? Because, as always, I'm sacrificing my own needs, my own feelings, my everything, for that friend. And now, it's still a bittersweet feeling. I don't want that friend of mine feeling sad, that's why I chose to be sad inside, instead. After all, that's what it means to surrender yourself. You forget about your personal concerns about others. Friendship. Yeah, that's how it goes.

Tonight that bittersweet feeling came back and I just took the time before telling my friend "Good Night" to reflect on this. Maybe sometimes I just give too much. Maybe sometimes I surrender too much. Maybe sometimes I just tend to forget how everything else is crumbling. For a friend.

But that happens. You get hurt. You get beaten. You get damaged. But that's all part of friendship. I am yet to hear of a good friendship without the feeling of bitterness and pain. We all suffer. We are all vulnerable. And I guess that's when surrendering yourself kicks in. You just sacrifice your time, your feelings for your friend--even if it hurts you. It's not easy. And that is how I am feeling right now. But we need to set aside our personal feelings for our friends. They need us to support them. To comfort them. Even at the risk of not being supported in return. Even at the risk of not being comforted in return. Even at the risk of them not risking anything for you.

But that's how friendship goes.... at least how some friendships go. So I would want to invite you to reflect, have I risked anything for my friend? Have I given up something for my friend? Have I surrendered myself to my friend? Am I a good friend?

When a Man Cries, is He a boy?

2009-03-24T02:49:00.000-07:00

While taking my usual late afternoon bath, a sudden thought went inside my head: "Vulnerability is one of the greatest factors that makes humans... humans".

I was pondering how most of the times I get depressed and I just feel so down. Those times that I was really vulnerable. Those times when I just felt alone. Those times when I just needed someone to be with, to just talk to about how I was feeling. And that thought hit me, without being vulnerable, I think I wouldn't have my friends now. Without being vulnerable, my relationship in God wouldn't be as strong. Without being vulnerable, I wouldn't be who I am now.

When you think about it, being vulnerable doesn't really mean being weak. For me, it actually means being brave enough to accept the fact that you're allowing yourself to expose your weaknesses to others. And it's innate for us to show vulnerability. When we feel bitterness, when we vent out to other people, when we cry, when we let our emotions get the best of us, we exhibit vulnerability.

Though this is an embraced thought for me, some people reject this idea. For them, being vulnerable is a sign of downright weakness. For some, being vulnerable makes them less of a person. For them, exhibiting their vulnerability to others is a foolish idea. They would want their image of being strong and superior be kept that way. But they need to face the fact, that makes them the "cowards". They reject the idea of having the need of others, bringing a sense of wanting to be independent.

But people need to embrace the fact that being vulnerable is what defines being a human being, at least, one of the great things that defines us. Because of it, we get to appreciate more the people around us. Because of our openness we get to know ourselves better. It may not be something applicable to everybody, but this is something I have noticed with some of my friends and even teachers.

I can't say that people have expressed their openness with me. That is something, I have said, not everyone is willing to do. I respect that. I just wish that they get to express this to other people or to other ways. After all, we are not alone. We need each other to live.

So, I invite you, dear reader, to reflect. Have I shown vulnerability in my life? Has it helped me in any way? And lastly, do I grow much more of a person when I expose my weaknesses to others?

Learning to Say "No"

2009-03-23T05:32:00.000-07:00

After experiencing High School for 4 Years, I could say that one of the lessons that I have learned and is in my Top 10 would be this:

Learn to Say "No"

As you have noticed, I'm not really the typical High School student who does the usual fun stuff others do, like play in internet shops (though I used to [back in my Freshman Year]), engage in sports and just hang out anywhere. I'm the somewhat "active" type. This means I involved myself in an organization [and was active for the 4 years], participated actively in my cluster too, I was a member in the Sanggunian and was active in it and also being active in class and batch stuff.

And you know being an active member of the Ateneo High School Community entails balancing one's academic life, co-curricular life, personal life, social life and other aspects too. There were times that I felt a lot of things were being "dumped" to me. "Dumped" because those were the things others could've done but wanted to rest already not minding the fact that I was busy juggling with my other things too. This "dumping" came to a point that a lot of my things suffered greatly. I have experienced my grades suffering--having merciful C's for Chemistry and Geometry and the merciful C for 4th Year Math and C+ for Physics.

I learned to say "no" after experiencing my failures during my Junior life. I told myself that I can't do everything all at once. That being a student, academics is my priority keeping in mind being a good son and a good brother. Putting those in mind, I told myself maybe there are just things people should do for themselves and maybe [they] should learn how to balance [their own] things. That's when I learned to say no.

Though at first it was hard being a "Yes-Man" for the most part of my High School life, I learned to refuse to do things that others could actually do. But I kept in mind that I won't totally refuse to everything. I still opted to help at times, but not be in-charge. And there were times that I didn't involve myself anymore, but I still supported those people.

If you think about it, saying no doesn't mean totally refusing something given to you. It's just that, we all have things we should prioritize over other things. Failing to do so will make us forget about our first commitments.

So think about it, before you involve yourself with something, what is/are your current priority/priorities? Are you willing to risk your top priorities by being a "yes-man" or will you learn how to say "no" from time to time?

Bittersweet with our Gifts

2009-03-23T00:33:00.000-07:00

Just a while ago I watched an episode of Ghost Whisperer. There was this line Jennifer Love Hewitt said that struck me.

"What good is it [her gift], if I hurt the people I love"

We all experience this, I believe. When we're caught up doing things we're good at, we tend to forget to spend time with those we love and those who love us. That hurts not only the people we love and those who love us, but in a way, it also hurts us--knowing we have caused pain to the people around us.

I have experienced being too caught up with work and, being affected by it, I have unintentionally hurt some people in different ways.

First would be how I may have acted differently causing some distance from people. An example of this would be back in my Junior year in High School, being a control freak as the head of my organization, I became strict even to my friends and have kept my relationships with some of my members as purely business.

Second would be how I had less time for some people. This was most evident when I had less time to bond with my friends in the batch as I got busy with Student Government. I wasn't able to play volleyball that much anymore. I wasn't able to join some of the gimmicks of my class.

Third, how I have been much more emotional to a point that I became really sensitive. This has hurt others in a way because I had a tendency to speculate that maybe they don't want me around anymore, hence, I acted cold towards them.

But sometimes when we think about these things, we end up bittersweet. Why? Because we would want to use our gifts and talents, but doing so, we may have shaky relationships with others. We would want to maintain our close relationships with others too, but that would entail for us to use our talents and gifts less. Therefore, this is a lose-lose situation... IF only we don't balance things well.

We need to realize that maybe we are overdoing things if we fail to keep up with our relationships with the people we love. We would also need to be much more understanding and supportive and sensitive to those around us who are also blessed. After all in a relationship, it's a two way thing. True love and genuine concern in relationships don't work out if one loves and shows concern and the other fails to reciprocate and even ignores. We are all relational beings. We need each other to live and enjoy life.

Given the short amount of time we live, perhaps we need to evaluate ourselves and reflect. Will we make the most out of our life by just doing the things we want and love or maybe we will just lay low a bit and enjoy the company of people around us. At the end of the day it's our choice how we use our gifts, how we live our lives and how we maintain our relationships with others.

And so I challenge you, cut down the things that maybe others can do, don't let your relationships suffer just because your gifted with your work obligations. You ALSO have an obligation to those around you.

Prayer of A Happy Man

2009-03-22T02:20:00.000-07:00

Prayer of a Happy Man

By Macky del Rosario

Dear Lord,

Whenever I am hungry and I’m about to spend the rest of my money to nourish myself, let a young girl, holding her stomach signifying that she is hungry, knock on the window pane of my car and ask for food—that I may experience further starvation as I buy her something to eat.

Whenever I would want to rest after such an exhausting day, let someone who has been ill at ease approach me, looking for comfort—that I may experience further deprivation from rest as I accompany that person.

Whenever I am about to spend thousands of pesos for the shirts that I want, allow a naked man to pass by my path—that I may sacrifice my want for shirts to clothe the naked man.

Whenever I am about to spend my time to hang out with my friends, let an enemy of mine approach me asking for help—that I may give up time to spend time with friends to help someone in need.

Whenever I plan my day carefully, let everything that could ruin it happen—that I may realize that not all that I want will always happen the way I want it to happen.

Whenever I am about to do something against Your will, let all misfortunes happen—that I may look back at You and realize my mistakes.

I ask all these that I may experience suffering—like what your Son underwent. Let me be a suffering servant like Your son. Let my life not be easy that I may cling on to You and that I may realize that I am not alone in this world. Grace me to be a humble minister of Your kingdom here on Earth.

Amen.

The Seemingly Small Things

2009-03-21T09:15:00.000-07:00

After having been part of the Sanggu-HS as a Deputy (Secretary-General then Finance Officer) for the CSO, I have realized that one doesn't truly get appreciated for everything he has sacrificed for and put in line. But through that realization, I have also realized the fact that we miss out the simple and "smaller" things in life that people do with us and for us.

You see, being a Deputy in the Sanggu doesn't entail you so much on leading, you do more of serving. You assist the Vice-Chairman of your sub-council and your moderator. You do the stressful paperwork most of the time by yourself. You're the one who can't pass on your duties, because doing so makes you a "lazy" Deputy.

This past school year I have experienced being the Deputy Finance Officer for the CSO. Being in-charge of the collection and collation of reply slips and payments for cluster nights wasn't an easy task at all. This task of mine could've been "easier" if everyone involved cooperated. But things weren't like that. I have experienced recording reply slips and counting payments the eve before the cluster night. That wasn't so nice at all considering that there some occasions when Long Tests were scheduled on the day of the cluster night. Specially if those Long Tests were Math and Physics.

Looking back, it dawned on me. After putting myself into a lot of stress for those people, I could say that I felt unappreciated. Without a word of thanks they gave me the reply slips and payments. Without a sign of appreciation did evaluations ended. Without even a smile or a hug, did their "cluster night seasons" ended.

I have moved on from that fact. But it dawned on me. Did they fail to show appreciation because my task was something small? Something not worth taking note of? I can't answer that myself since maybe they were just busy the whole time.

But if we look at it, all of us have the tendency to forget to appreciate all the simple things people do with and for us, as well as the seemingly small things in life.

We forget to thank those who help us understand the lessons better. We forget to thank those who never fail to ask us how we are doing. We forget to thank those who accompany us to the cafeteria or elsewhere. We forget to thank those who show concern to us through smiles and hugs. I am guilty at times, too.

It is hard, I agree; keeping up with everything we need to while remembering everything and appreciating everything. But perhaps, we should take a bit of time too to thank for the simple things people do for us. Maybe before the day ends, we take time in our prayers to pray for those who have done such simple yet great things for us. Before the week ends, let's take time to thank the many people who have done such things for us.

Pilot: Macky Ex Animo

2009-03-21T00:37:00.000-07:00

It feels good to be back using blogspot. My first time ever blog was a blogspot. That was back in my Freshman Year in High School. I stopped using blogspot when I found out about Multiply. I recently decided to make a blogspot. Actually, just 2 nights ago. I wanted a venue for my everyday reflections--as I always reflect about a lot of things. Hence the birth of Macky Ex Animo.

Why Macky Ex Animo?

"Macky" is because of my nickname. "Ex Animo" because it's a simple Latin phrase I saw on Wikipedia. "Ex Animo" means "sincerely", "from the heart". I chose it because it's fitting for the would be nature of this blog, that is, a venue for my everyday reflections, from my heart.

I have always been the type of person who reflects on anything and everything. During 5 minute reflections of my teachers in the morning, I always listen well and make it a point to further reflect on what they have shared to the class. I myself have given few reflections to my classes over the years. Sharing things they could relate on. Sharing lessons I learned. A lot of things, actually. And I decided, why limit myself to my class and to private conversations with my friends when I could share them here--for everyone to read.

What would you look forward to in this blog of mine? Not a lot, really. Just simple reflections, from the heart. I will be even sharing things I have listened to and read myself. There'll be times too that I will post prayer reflections, much like the prayer sessions I used to have with the CSO 9(Council of Student Organizations batch 9).

For now, this is just the pilot entry. I hope you get to pass by this blog of mine from time to time and be fond of reflecting.